I'm going to warn you, this post is going to be depressing. It might make you cry and it will probably ruin your day. I hope that you realize something with it though. I hope I'm able to make you think. Hopefully, I can change your life with this depressing post.
On May 14th a good friend of mine would be turning 21. Would be. On April 16th he took his life. This young man was so happy on the outside. He always knew how to make you laugh. He could put a smile on Grumpy Cat's face. He had such a crazy spontaneous personality. I'm sure you're thinking "why in the world would he take his life then?"
Well, even the happiest person could be dying on the inside. My friend had a hard home life. He always lived in his older brother's shadow. His mom was always working. And he lost his father when he was younger. My friend was hurting on the inside.
He had told me time and time again how he wanted to leave. I never knew he would commit suicide though. I have not spoken to this friend a lot since we graduated from high school, that's the thing I regret the most. I ran into him about a year ago at the gas station and he was his old crazy self. He was going o a taco place next door. Dang that boy could eat and eat and not gain a pound. Him and his crazy metabolism. I still remember what he was wearing. A white tshirt and his favorite pajama bottoms. He looked just the same as he did in high school. I never would've guessed that would be the last time I see my dear friend.
Today was my friend's funeral. We're 20 years old. We should not be going to friend's funerals. It was a beautiful service but many tears were shed. Tears are still being shed now. Seeing his body in that casket tore me to pieces. How could this sweet loving young man be gone? I'll never be able to see his smile again. I'll never get to hear his voice again. Feel his hugs. He's gone, forever. That hurts the most.
Even though this post is so depressing, I hope you hold no regrets in life. Reconnect with old friends. Even just to say hey. Don't push it off to tomorrow. You never know what day will be your last.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
Valentine's Day
February is all about Valentine's Day. It's the day of the year that women look forward to, unless you don't have a valentine then you dread the day and everything about it. I do not fall into that category. I love Valentine's Day. I tell Gunnar it's the one day you have to be lovey dovey and sweet to me. As if he's not like that any other day.
This year we both had to work on Valentine's Day. I had to work during the day and he went into work right before I got off. So I walk into my room after a long day at work and I see a giant pink unicorn (which I wanted soooo badly), a bouquet of beautiful orange roses, Breaking Dawn part 1, and the sweetest card ever. Now I was fully prepared for our Valentines to be spent on Friday night. Instead I got this great surprise. I started crying as soon as I saw it. He even made my bed which was an added bonus. But this was by far one of the sweetest things he's done for me. He made this Valentines so special even though we didn't see each other.
Moral: sometimes good things are hidden behind a door just waiting for you to open it. Don't hold back, go for it. :)
This year we both had to work on Valentine's Day. I had to work during the day and he went into work right before I got off. So I walk into my room after a long day at work and I see a giant pink unicorn (which I wanted soooo badly), a bouquet of beautiful orange roses, Breaking Dawn part 1, and the sweetest card ever. Now I was fully prepared for our Valentines to be spent on Friday night. Instead I got this great surprise. I started crying as soon as I saw it. He even made my bed which was an added bonus. But this was by far one of the sweetest things he's done for me. He made this Valentines so special even though we didn't see each other.
Moral: sometimes good things are hidden behind a door just waiting for you to open it. Don't hold back, go for it. :)
Bothersome
Something that really irks me to no end. And being a college student I see this a lot! Too much.. The dreadful JAYWALKING!!! I am very much so against jaywalking, unless of course the cross walk is an unreasonable distance away, then I can kinda understand. The one that really gets to me is when the crosswalk is 3 feet away from you and you can't walk in it. It's there for a reason, USE IT!!!
Also, I hate HATE HATE walking in the grass. I had a bad experience when I was younger. It was time for recess and we all ran outside, walked through the grass. I was wearing my white light up tennis shoes and of course, the lawn guys had just cut the grass and dew was on the ground. So naturally grass got all over my white light up tennis shoes. And I was devastated, I still get upset when I get grass on my shoes. Only in special circumstances will I walk through the grass, today I did, even when I do I still worry about getting mud or grass on my shoes.. very troublesome.
But back to the jaywalking issue. Today I saw a girl walk all the way across the parking lot, go beside my car and cross the street. This would be perfectly fine if the crosswalk wasn't not even 7 feet away from her. IRKS ME!!!!!!!!! IT'S A BIG WHITE CROSSWALK ON A BLACK ROAD!!! YOU CAN'T MISS IT!!!!!!!
I would also like to thank my very best friend Dixie for turning me into this madwoman. I like to thank her for many of my little quirks.
My Moral today... the government does things to help or protect us. Crosswalks for example are for protecting you against cars. If they hit you, you have every right to sue them. The big white lines with the "Watch for Pedestrians" sign is there to help and protect you. Especially when there's one every 30 feet. USE THEM!
That is all. Thank you :)
Also, I hate HATE HATE walking in the grass. I had a bad experience when I was younger. It was time for recess and we all ran outside, walked through the grass. I was wearing my white light up tennis shoes and of course, the lawn guys had just cut the grass and dew was on the ground. So naturally grass got all over my white light up tennis shoes. And I was devastated, I still get upset when I get grass on my shoes. Only in special circumstances will I walk through the grass, today I did, even when I do I still worry about getting mud or grass on my shoes.. very troublesome.
But back to the jaywalking issue. Today I saw a girl walk all the way across the parking lot, go beside my car and cross the street. This would be perfectly fine if the crosswalk wasn't not even 7 feet away from her. IRKS ME!!!!!!!!! IT'S A BIG WHITE CROSSWALK ON A BLACK ROAD!!! YOU CAN'T MISS IT!!!!!!!
I would also like to thank my very best friend Dixie for turning me into this madwoman. I like to thank her for many of my little quirks.
My Moral today... the government does things to help or protect us. Crosswalks for example are for protecting you against cars. If they hit you, you have every right to sue them. The big white lines with the "Watch for Pedestrians" sign is there to help and protect you. Especially when there's one every 30 feet. USE THEM!
That is all. Thank you :)
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Someone Special
Today I need to say thank you to two very special people in my life. The reason being that they picked me up when I was at my absolute lowest.
Roughly 3 years ago (before I started dating Gunnar) I suffered from depression. This was a on going problem I had for about 3 years. By looking at me you would've never guess but it's true, I was extremely depressed.
Today it hit me hard again. The past week or so has been tough but today I was at my breaking point. And it was terrifying. I had not felt this depressed in years. I had not had these thoughts or empty feelings for years. I was legitimately terrified.
So those that I would like to thank for saving me from myself today. First, my very best friend Dixie. She has always stood by me and always been there no matter what. I love her to death. She honestly has no idea how much of a help she was today. She even offered to drive all the way to my campus to be with me.
Secondly, I would like to thank my boyfriend. He was a huge help and just having him beside me made me feel safer. He's my rock. I love him more than anything. And I know for a fact that without him with me today I would still be feeling depressed. Without both of them I would be depressed.
So thank you, to both of you. You have no idea how much your support means to me.
My moral for this post is don't be afraid to tell someone how you feel. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You are loved and people care about you and don't want to see you upset. They will stand beside you through anything and help you through it. God doesn't put you through anything that you can't handle. Sometimes you just need a support team to help you out. :)
Roughly 3 years ago (before I started dating Gunnar) I suffered from depression. This was a on going problem I had for about 3 years. By looking at me you would've never guess but it's true, I was extremely depressed.
Today it hit me hard again. The past week or so has been tough but today I was at my breaking point. And it was terrifying. I had not felt this depressed in years. I had not had these thoughts or empty feelings for years. I was legitimately terrified.
So those that I would like to thank for saving me from myself today. First, my very best friend Dixie. She has always stood by me and always been there no matter what. I love her to death. She honestly has no idea how much of a help she was today. She even offered to drive all the way to my campus to be with me.
Secondly, I would like to thank my boyfriend. He was a huge help and just having him beside me made me feel safer. He's my rock. I love him more than anything. And I know for a fact that without him with me today I would still be feeling depressed. Without both of them I would be depressed.
So thank you, to both of you. You have no idea how much your support means to me.
My moral for this post is don't be afraid to tell someone how you feel. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You are loved and people care about you and don't want to see you upset. They will stand beside you through anything and help you through it. God doesn't put you through anything that you can't handle. Sometimes you just need a support team to help you out. :)
Monday, February 11, 2013
Another Day, Another Change
Well my dears, much has happened this past week. Today was an eye opener for me.
Over the weekend I made a huge life decision. Now I have thought about this for a couple months now, but this weekend I finally decided. I am changing to a Business Management major. This would be my second major change since I've start college (I'm a sophomore now). Then again, that's what college is for, deciding what to do with your life.
When I first started college I was a Pre-Nursing major. I new what I was going to do with life. I planned on being a Labor and Deliver Nurse and work at a hospital in Denver, CO (which is where Gunnar and I plan to move when we are ready to settle down and start a family).
Now my first year or college was tough, I've had a lot of medical issues with my eye that came out of nowhere. So I've had my fair share of hospitals, surgeries, and doctors offices (gladly I'm getting better, I'll save that for another post).
Last semester I was taking biology, and out of nowhere when my professor would talk about blood or anything I would get incredibly sick to my stomach, I have no idea why. I want to be a nurse, blood and babies are my thing. Why is this happening to me? So, towards the end of the semester I decided that maybe I shouldn't be a nurse...
I needed to start looking into what I'm interested in and how I can make a living out of it. Well, unfortunately I can really go far with crocheting or knitting so I had to dig deep. My very best friend is a history major, and I began thinking, hmm.. history has always interested me, also I've always been envious of her being a museum curator. I'm a nerd I know, I love history and museums. So I decided to become a history major.
Now I'm working at a Staffing Agency now, I absolutely LOVE my job. I wouldn't change it for the world. So now that I've been here for awhile I have decided I would like to pursue this as a career. I talked to my big big boss last week about what I could do, where could I go with this. And she helped me decide on Business Management. I'm going to finalize everything in a couple weeks, I need to ask Academic Advisement some questions, and who knows when they'll get back to me.
Moral of all this, choose to do something you love. Do something you will enjoy until the day you die. A part of me always knew I would have an office job, when I was younger I wanted to be an accountant (so happy I grew out of that). But, don't let society or family pressure you into a career path that you won't be happy with. Although I LOVE history, I know deep down that I will enjoy business for the rest of my life. Also, I can always open up my own museum one day and have my very best friend find all the awesome pieces to go in it. :)
I have decided that at the end of each post I will write a moral to my rants. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. :)
Over the weekend I made a huge life decision. Now I have thought about this for a couple months now, but this weekend I finally decided. I am changing to a Business Management major. This would be my second major change since I've start college (I'm a sophomore now). Then again, that's what college is for, deciding what to do with your life.
When I first started college I was a Pre-Nursing major. I new what I was going to do with life. I planned on being a Labor and Deliver Nurse and work at a hospital in Denver, CO (which is where Gunnar and I plan to move when we are ready to settle down and start a family).
Now my first year or college was tough, I've had a lot of medical issues with my eye that came out of nowhere. So I've had my fair share of hospitals, surgeries, and doctors offices (gladly I'm getting better, I'll save that for another post).
Last semester I was taking biology, and out of nowhere when my professor would talk about blood or anything I would get incredibly sick to my stomach, I have no idea why. I want to be a nurse, blood and babies are my thing. Why is this happening to me? So, towards the end of the semester I decided that maybe I shouldn't be a nurse...
I needed to start looking into what I'm interested in and how I can make a living out of it. Well, unfortunately I can really go far with crocheting or knitting so I had to dig deep. My very best friend is a history major, and I began thinking, hmm.. history has always interested me, also I've always been envious of her being a museum curator. I'm a nerd I know, I love history and museums. So I decided to become a history major.
Now I'm working at a Staffing Agency now, I absolutely LOVE my job. I wouldn't change it for the world. So now that I've been here for awhile I have decided I would like to pursue this as a career. I talked to my big big boss last week about what I could do, where could I go with this. And she helped me decide on Business Management. I'm going to finalize everything in a couple weeks, I need to ask Academic Advisement some questions, and who knows when they'll get back to me.
Moral of all this, choose to do something you love. Do something you will enjoy until the day you die. A part of me always knew I would have an office job, when I was younger I wanted to be an accountant (so happy I grew out of that). But, don't let society or family pressure you into a career path that you won't be happy with. Although I LOVE history, I know deep down that I will enjoy business for the rest of my life. Also, I can always open up my own museum one day and have my very best friend find all the awesome pieces to go in it. :)
I have decided that at the end of each post I will write a moral to my rants. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. :)
Monday, February 4, 2013
The Beginning of a New Life
So let's start this off by saying "Hi!"
This would be the first blog I've had in years and hopefully I will keep this one up. I'd like to thank my very best friend for getting me back into blogging. I firmly believe that this will help me in many ways.
Now that we've gotten the introduction over with, let's start with the juicy stuff. My boyfriend, my very best friend, and I are having a weight loss competition. (I'm not too sure if the very best friend knows it's a competition or not but oh well) Anywho today I started, might I also say that I started after they did, totally ok with me I got this. I feel that if I put this publicly for the entire world to see that I will be more obligated to work hard and keep it off.
So, it's day 1. I just got back from the gym and wow how out of shape I have gotten. Also, I HATE how everyone and there brother were there! That's the main reason why I stopped going. I don't like people watching me workout, it's frustrating! Because I know that when I get on my elliptical I'm up against the wall and I can see EVERYONE!!! Yeah homie that just picked a wedgie, I saw that. Girl that just pushed her boobs up more as she walked past the muscular dude, I saw you and you're not fooling anyone.
Moral of this ramble is that I have got to stick with this. My overall goal is to lose 50lbs. I'm shooting for 5lbs in this first two-three weeks. I can do it, I know I can.
So here's the number you've all been dying to hear. I, Candice, am a second year college student. And when I was in high school the most I ever weighed was 125lbs. I now weigh 168.5lbs.
Every week I will be posting my weight, mainly for my own good. I know that if I post it online then I'll be obligated to work hard and keep it off. So, let's see how it goes. I hope that by May I will be at least 140lbs. I'm thinking realistically here. I know the first 15lbs will be easy to get off, it's after that it'll get tough. And I'm choosing May because of Drift Atlanta. I want to be able to wear my cute bikini top that I bought last year (a $70 suit that I did not wear once!)
This would be the first blog I've had in years and hopefully I will keep this one up. I'd like to thank my very best friend for getting me back into blogging. I firmly believe that this will help me in many ways.
Now that we've gotten the introduction over with, let's start with the juicy stuff. My boyfriend, my very best friend, and I are having a weight loss competition. (I'm not too sure if the very best friend knows it's a competition or not but oh well) Anywho today I started, might I also say that I started after they did, totally ok with me I got this. I feel that if I put this publicly for the entire world to see that I will be more obligated to work hard and keep it off.
So, it's day 1. I just got back from the gym and wow how out of shape I have gotten. Also, I HATE how everyone and there brother were there! That's the main reason why I stopped going. I don't like people watching me workout, it's frustrating! Because I know that when I get on my elliptical I'm up against the wall and I can see EVERYONE!!! Yeah homie that just picked a wedgie, I saw that. Girl that just pushed her boobs up more as she walked past the muscular dude, I saw you and you're not fooling anyone.
Moral of this ramble is that I have got to stick with this. My overall goal is to lose 50lbs. I'm shooting for 5lbs in this first two-three weeks. I can do it, I know I can.
So here's the number you've all been dying to hear. I, Candice, am a second year college student. And when I was in high school the most I ever weighed was 125lbs. I now weigh 168.5lbs.
Every week I will be posting my weight, mainly for my own good. I know that if I post it online then I'll be obligated to work hard and keep it off. So, let's see how it goes. I hope that by May I will be at least 140lbs. I'm thinking realistically here. I know the first 15lbs will be easy to get off, it's after that it'll get tough. And I'm choosing May because of Drift Atlanta. I want to be able to wear my cute bikini top that I bought last year (a $70 suit that I did not wear once!)
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